Latest Intel
All field reports submitted to the Bureau, sorted by most recent activity.
Subject
Deluxe All Butter Stem Ginger Cookies
Field Notes
“No additional notes provided.”
Subject
Biscoff (Lotus)
Field Notes
“Hands down the most moreish biscuit on the market. I sat down after a long day of work and before I knew it I had inhaled the whole pack, obviously leaving one for the Mrs. Approach with caution. As I like to say. When the fun stops, keep going. Because you can’t stop.”
Subject
LU Le petit beurre
Field Notes
“I really hate to give it to the french but they have worked out a way to absolutely juice the humble plain biscuit. Dangerously buttery. These biscuits are probably the reason that fat french peasants exist. Dunkability rated from memory, as dunking with the stella was not allowing the biscuit to show its true potential”
Subject
Jam Creams (Tower Gate / Lidl)
Field Notes
“Dunkability would have been 10 if these were not so chewy - the jam doesn't lend itself to dunking well. These are a great little treat once in a while. Value would have been higher but you only get 8-10 in a pack... And that pack doesn't last long.”
Subject
White chocolate Leibniz
Field Notes
“Just when you thought you'd seen it all: a white chocolate Leibniz! Not as good as the milk chocolate counterpart I must say. A little bit more processed taste. But god is it delicious still. Would get again, although not habitually.”
Subject
Milk Chocoloate Hobnobs (Gluten Free)
Field Notes
“Got these for my Granny because she can't do wheat - and well... a few may have gone missing in transit. I have to say... I'm impressed. Much of the usual flavour was there. Dunkability high. Just not the biggest chocolate hobnob fan in general. Call me controversial - but prefer the regular kind. All in all though - the gluten wasn't missed. I am very much glutent TOLERANT.”
Subject
Oreo Strawberry Cheesecake
Field Notes
“As with many of these flavoured gimmicks - the usual let down. Not even sure if let down is the right word, as you know they're going to be crap already. This is just... wrong.”
Subject
Chocolate malted milk (Tower Gate/Lidl)
Field Notes
“Damn these little badgers sure got boshed off. 10 bickies 10 stellas - dinner sorted.”
Subject
Digestives (Tower Gate / Lidl)
Field Notes
“Digestives definitely have their place in the world, but that place is at the bottom of a cheesecake.”
Subject
Fox’s Crunch Creams
Field Notes
“Is this the greatest dunker of our generation? I challenge anyone to suggest something that's better at dunking.”
Subject
Rainbow cookies (Asda)
Field Notes
“Disappointing. As you can see - I was excited to bring this baby home, where I sat and tucked in with a cuppa and the football on. I’m a big fan of rainbow biscuits and cookies, mainly for the soft meets crunchy texture complexity - however this was a suboptimal investigation into one dimensional, processed sawdust. Tastes like if montesanto made cookies. You could also probably store these in a nuclear bunker for 30 years - may come in useful the way things are going. Difficult and sad times - but mainly because of the biscuits.”
Subject
Maryland choc and hazelnut cookies
Field Notes
“Very moreish. They've got that malty-flavour that makes you want to just eat the whole pack and also one of the greatest dunking biscuits of a generation. I remember devouring a whole pack of these on the way to primary school. This was one of the first ever benefits of having the autonomy of walking to school yourself. You were unleashed and able to visit the shop and buy whatever you want and no one would know. The cookie and the hard cookie format really lends itself to dunking. Now this is my personal favourite variation of the Maryland brand, the hazelnut one. I don't think the double chocolate lends itself to too much extra taste; I just really like the hazelnut taste. I'm a sucker for hazelnuts. Yes you would get better value from own brand. But they don’t have hazelnut variants and they’re not as naughty.”
Subject
Rocky (fox’s)
Field Notes
“Not sure if allowed - as it has a wrapper on it. The bureau will have to make a call on whether we allow this sort of thing as a biscuit on here. Fun fact: Wok cookies contain coconut which you can taste. I also think I can taste the palm oil but my girlfriend doesn't think that this is possible.”
Subject
McVitie’s Coconut Ring
Field Notes
“Humble biscuits elevated by some coconut essence. Off the scale dusty so dunking highly encouraged. It’s a lazy day at the office for the mcvities development team. Bridges the gap between better biscuits”
Subject
by Sainsbury’s Bourbon Creams
Field Notes
“Classic doesn’t really cover it for this biscuit. Legend says the neolithic people of britain carved the slabs of Stonehenge to resemble their primitive bourbon biccies. So old is the bourbon that no one can remember what its flavour is meant to be - least of all the monks who still bake these for the supermarkets of today. As best I can describe, it’s the flavour of a memory you’ve forgotten but can feel was just there in your head. These five tasted like the only time i was ever in my grandmother’s house alone. I felt like Marcel Proust with a touch of dementia. With no flavour or texture interest to distract you these basically eat themselves (especially when paired with a few Youtube Shorts). Dunking is a must, to introduce some textural variety. Would I choose to have these again? I wouldn’t recommend them to a new visitor to the UK. Thankfully I don’t need to choose - a deep ancestral reflex brings me back to them time and again”
Subject
Fox’s Crunch Creams
Field Notes
“Well and truly in the dunk hall of fame. Could be the dunk goat, with jam creams. Only not more moreish because they’re so rich.”
Subject
Bounty soft baked cookie
Field Notes
“A bit synthetic and too soft for my cookie preference, but nevertheless - a solid cookie. Potentially the best of the gimmick lines; mars cookie, twix cookie, etc”
Subject
Sapori Cantuccini
Field Notes
“This biscuit is like if crusty stale toast was almondy and delicious. My mum got them for me from Italy as a thanks for dog sitting. She knows I love biscuits.”
Subject
Zero zingy dark choc ginger oaties
Field Notes
“Well I see why they are called zero because there’s absolutely nothing to rave about here. Cheap tasting - only redeeming quality was the crunch. I’m not a dunker so maybe it has the potential to claw a point there but in all honesty the rest of the pack is going straight in the bin. Advertised as zero sugar but jammed full of sweeteners - safe to say there’s nothing sweet here. Very disappointing!”
Subject
Milk chocolate cookie (Tesco)
Field Notes
“Wow they were reduced so the value is even better. They're quite thick and probably too big to dunk so you have to break it in half to dunk, which is why it didn't score high dunk ability rating. Yeah I think of the supermarket cookies, this is right up there, nice and thick, unusually crispy”