Latest Intel
All field reports submitted to the Bureau, sorted by most recent activity.
Subject
Maryland choc and hazelnut cookies
Field Notes
“Very moreish. They've got that malty-flavour that makes you want to just eat the whole pack and also one of the greatest dunking biscuits of a generation. I remember devouring a whole pack of these on the way to primary school. This was one of the first ever benefits of having the autonomy of walking to school yourself. You were unleashed and able to visit the shop and buy whatever you want and no one would know. The cookie and the hard cookie format really lends itself to dunking. Now this is my personal favourite variation of the Maryland brand, the hazelnut one. I don't think the double chocolate lends itself to too much extra taste; I just really like the hazelnut taste. I'm a sucker for hazelnuts. Yes you would get better value from own brand. But they don’t have hazelnut variants and they’re not as naughty.”
Subject
Rocky (fox’s)
Field Notes
“Not sure if allowed - as it has a wrapper on it. The bureau will have to make a call on whether we allow this sort of thing as a biscuit on here. Fun fact: Wok cookies contain coconut which you can taste. I also think I can taste the palm oil but my girlfriend doesn't think that this is possible.”
Subject
McVitie’s Coconut Ring
Field Notes
“Humble biscuits elevated by some coconut essence. Off the scale dusty so dunking highly encouraged. It’s a lazy day at the office for the mcvities development team. Bridges the gap between better biscuits”
Subject
by Sainsbury’s Bourbon Creams
Field Notes
“Classic doesn’t really cover it for this biscuit. Legend says the neolithic people of britain carved the slabs of Stonehenge to resemble their primitive bourbon biccies. So old is the bourbon that no one can remember what its flavour is meant to be - least of all the monks who still bake these for the supermarkets of today. As best I can describe, it’s the flavour of a memory you’ve forgotten but can feel was just there in your head. These five tasted like the only time i was ever in my grandmother’s house alone. I felt like Marcel Proust with a touch of dementia. With no flavour or texture interest to distract you these basically eat themselves (especially when paired with a few Youtube Shorts). Dunking is a must, to introduce some textural variety. Would I choose to have these again? I wouldn’t recommend them to a new visitor to the UK. Thankfully I don’t need to choose - a deep ancestral reflex brings me back to them time and again”
Subject
Fox’s Crunch Creams
Field Notes
“Well and truly in the dunk hall of fame. Could be the dunk goat, with jam creams. Only not more moreish because they’re so rich.”
Subject
Bounty soft baked cookie
Field Notes
“A bit synthetic and too soft for my cookie preference, but nevertheless - a solid cookie. Potentially the best of the gimmick lines; mars cookie, twix cookie, etc”
Subject
Sapori Cantuccini
Field Notes
“This biscuit is like if crusty stale toast was almondy and delicious. My mum got them for me from Italy as a thanks for dog sitting. She knows I love biscuits.”
Subject
Zero zingy dark choc ginger oaties
Field Notes
“Well I see why they are called zero because there’s absolutely nothing to rave about here. Cheap tasting - only redeeming quality was the crunch. I’m not a dunker so maybe it has the potential to claw a point there but in all honesty the rest of the pack is going straight in the bin. Advertised as zero sugar but jammed full of sweeteners - safe to say there’s nothing sweet here. Very disappointing!”
Subject
Milk chocolate cookie (Tesco)
Field Notes
“Wow they were reduced so the value is even better. They're quite thick and probably too big to dunk so you have to break it in half to dunk, which is why it didn't score high dunk ability rating. Yeah I think of the supermarket cookies, this is right up there, nice and thick, unusually crispy”
Subject
BN Chocolate
Field Notes
“Remember these? I'm led to believe they're back in UK shops but I don't recall seeing them lately. Another Brussels purchase. It's a comparable biscuit to the Prinzen Rolle - dry, brittle biscuit with cream filling - but the chocolate cream to biscuit ratio is more generous, and the biscuit itself is tastier. Had to stop myself after 6. Will be returning to them this evening.”
Subject
McVitie's Digestives Pink Raspberry and Cream
Field Notes
“I'm not usually one for biscuit gimmicks and limited editions etc but given the bureau's mandate, I thought I'd give these a go. They're decent. Would I prefer one with normal milk or dark chocolate? I probably would. One rating in the CRUMB score stands out: these things are naughty enough to make the Epstein files. Demolished within the hour.”
Subject
Orange Club Bar (McVitie's)
Field Notes
“This is a great all-rounder. I just feel like it could be better value, and also the quality of chocolate could be better.”
Subject
McVitie's Digestive Lemon Cheesecake
Field Notes
“I knew it was gonna be chemically, artifical nonsense - but I bought them anyway, as they need to be tried. This biscuit format digestive on top and cream-filled lends itself very well to dunkability, however taste just wasn't there.”
Subject
Fox’s Classic
Field Notes
“This is a rare find and it takes me back to my childhood days. Fox’s have done it again. Would have made more moreishness score but they are so decadent that it's hard to eat many more than two or three.”
Subject
Jammy Wheels (Co op, gluten free)
Field Notes
“Bought these for my gran as she’s gluten intolerant a while back. Surprisingly ok. The jam is less chewy than the jammy dodger cousin. The shortbread feels less processed too.”
Subject
Prinzen Rolle
Field Notes
“Purchased in Brussels, under the impression it's a German brand. Au contraire. The Prinzen Rolle was first designed by a Belgian biscuit maker after a trip to England (presumably Bermondsey) where he learned how to make dry, long-life biscuits. He achieved both of those things with the Prinzen, and nevertheless they became a mainstay of German childhoods (the factory relocated to just inside the German border in the 20th century). Long-lasting? Not while I'm around. Great dunker (though I don't partake) but a little on the boring side.”
Subject
Milk chocolate butter biscuits (Belmont / Aldi)
Field Notes
“Basically a Leibniz - but doesn’t bear the philosopher’s name. Cute little designs - still got demolished.”
Subject
Dark chocolate gingers (Lidl)
Field Notes
“Good dunking - only not higher as the chocolate melting makes it a bit logistically difficult. Ten to a pack - although smaller than on the pic.”
Subject
Biscoff Creams (Lotus)
Field Notes
“Damn ! Only 2 left in the pack... this is truly a premium bicky for when you want a treat!”
Subject
Biscoff Creams (Lotus)
Field Notes
“This is one of the greatest dunking biscuits of all time. Honestly try and find one better. The only thing that brings it down is its value. It's quite a premium biscuit. It's so moreish, so so moreish, and it's mildly naughty. Anything with this level of cream in the middle is quite naughty. And yeah I ate the whole pack”